“Nothing to live for” to “Living the dream!”
Picture this - A 43 year old man, depressed, an excessive drinker, with no home after an unwanted divorce, his kids hating him, with no job and a suicide attempt:
Client: Can you help me?
Me: What do you need from me?
Client: Change my life.
Me: I wish I could, I would be worth millions!! What I can do, is support you and help YOU to change your own life.
Client: Oh!
The client at this point was shocked and confused at my reply.
Client: I thought that I would come to see you and you would tell me what to do. My parents sent me, and although they don’t like me at the moment, they would rather have me alive than dead.
Me: I can’t tell you what to do. But can I ask you, what is it that you want?
Client: I don’t want this life anymore.
Me: So……what life do you want?
Client: A happy one!
Me: What would make you happy?
Client: I don’t know.
Me: Pretend that you do know….
Client: My children would want to spend time with me.
Me: That is great. Would you like to start working towards this?
Client: Yes, but I think I may have hurt them too much for that to be possible.
Me: Do you want to try?
Client: Yes.
Me: Are you prepared to put in the work to try to make it possible?
Client: Yes.
Me: It is important that I can believe you want to try, and that you will commit to the work you need to do away from here. I spend a lot of hours away from clients, working on how to help them with their unique specific steps and ideas on overcoming the obstacles they may face. You should understand that I will only do this if you want to commit to the journey and the work that is involved with staying on the journey.
The Work.
Although an over all goal had been identified, which was to have his children wanting to spend time with him, there were a lot of baby steps that were mountainous to the client, but it he knew it had to be done.
I worked with the client to help him identify where he wanted to start: the client wanted to stop drinking. On a practical note: If he stopped drinking then his parents would let him stay at their home and some stability would be achieved, replacing the all-day drinking and sofa-surfing.
It was important that I helped the client to become aware if there was any other reason why he wanted to stop drinking, there was - “So his children would respect me” - “So I can get back to being me”.
Result: After three months of sobriety his parents invited him to stay with them, his children are now replying to his texts, albeit inconsistently; this is a massive improvement from no replies at all! The client had started to care about his appearance - an indication of his growing self-worth.
Next Step: Job hunting - Too many bridges had been burned with his previous employer due to his drinking and inconsistency at work (in the accounts department at a local merchants).
Together we worked really hard to understand clearly and specifically what his skill sets were……………………………………….
Result: Now a self-employed accountant with enough clients to support him financially. His children now texting him regularly!
Personal Step: After discussions with the client about him wishing to regain his fitness and health, I referred him to a gym which I knew would be suitable for his particular needs. The result of the client engaging consistently at the gym, was a healthier physical body and improved mental health. The client’s confidence was now shining and his self-worth was now blooming.
The client’s business was now going really well; hard work was paying off. He moved into a rented house. His children were now visiting and were enjoying their relationship with him!
The children had watched from a distance as their dad hit rock bottom, and although they were hurt and had wanted to disown their dad, step-by-step he had pushed through and worked around every single obstacle to re-build his relationship with them. Those obstacles were huge and often overwhelming, but they had to be overcome, and he did succeed in overcoming them, through his own determination, hard work, my support and a clear road map.
At every step the client took, my role was to support him, and to be one step ahead, to encourage, and help the client to decide what the right thing was to do next. With my support, given from a foundation of extensive education and vast experience, combined with my dedication and commitment to achieving good outcomes, this client finally got what he originally wanted when he first came to see me. This was to have his children “wanting to see him”.
The clients journey is not over; it has only just begun. With my help, he will press on to an even better future. I am extremely proud of this client.
